Your feelings are not the boss of you and the key is not to stop feeling emotions. Learning how to feel better emotionally, begins by seeing what part your feelings and emotions play in the whole process….
And It’s really not what you think.
This post will show you how to control your emotions in any situation.
You’ll discover how to no longer have “good” or bad days and have a mood that’s 100% bulletproof to situations.
The best part?
It’s not about doing a lot of stuff or ticking things off yet another list.
(In other words, it’s more about how you ‘see’ rather than what you do)
That’s what will flip the script and change the game for you in any situation.
Without further ado, let’s get started
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Blog Post After the jump
Learning to how to control your emotions is supposed to be the answer to a lot of situations we face.
But is it really?
Most of us get dragged around by our feelings because of a simple misunderstanding.
We misunderstand what creates feelings and how we operate as human beings.
We innocently believe that our feelings come from events that happen outside of us.
Somebody does something that causes us to feel a certain way.
Something happens that causes us to feel a certain way.
So we spend a lot of time trying to control our emotions.
And we also avoid people and situations that make us feel a certain way
We don’t want to be around “toxic” people and we don’t want to be around things that “trigger” us.
But here’s a thought:
What if the people and situations around us aren’t what create the feelings and emotions?
What if it’s our perception of situations and people that create the feelings we have moment by moment?
Because the truth is, what people do and what happens moment by moment is not what causes your feelings.
This basic premise is what ensures that we could be in the same room and have the same experience but FEEL different about it.
And that’s because we “see” or “perceive” it differently.
The way you feel about things is always an inside job.
And most of us already have a sense of this…
…That’s why we spend time trying to “think” positive thoughts to FEEL better.
But positive thinking on its own is not the key. It doesn’t always work.
The point I’m trying to make here is:
Not only are feelings an inside job…
You also don’t need to “think” in a certain way to FEEL good.
The key is to understand that not only do the thoughts that pass through you create your feelings moment by moment…
They are all temporary and aren’t as solid and tangible as you think.
They will pass.
Fresh thought will come and better feelings will come with it.
Because that’s the way system works.
As thoughts pass through you, you feel them.
You hold onto some thoughts longer, so you feel their effects longer.
When you stop diving into your mind and trying to correct your thoughts, they take care of themselves.
You don’t have to DO anything because of the feelings you experience moment by moment. Your feelings are not the boss of you.
There is a kindness to the design of our minds. It always gives us fresh perspectives about situations – if we allow it.
With that fresh perspective comes different feelings about situations.
And this happens moment by moment.
The less we try to dive in and interfere with it, the quicker it happens.
How many times have you thought about something that made you feel so angry…
…And later, your perspective changes and you feel different?
The situation hasn’t changed. You just had a new thought about it.
A while ago, I was so angry with someone. I’d been trying to call her without any response.
I sent an email and didn’t get a reply and I also sent a text message but didn’t a reply as well.
There were all kinds of thoughts running through my head.
I imagined all kinds of things would go wrong with my business because I couldn’t get in touch with her.
Emotions and feelings were close to the surface because of those thoughts.
I swore I would go somewhere else with my business.
A day later, I got a call.
Apparently, she had gone into labour.
It happened suddenly and there wasn’t time to do anything but go have the baby. But the job was going fine.
For me, this was a perfect example of how our perception creates our feelings.
I perceived she was negligent, so I felt a certain way about it.
The job she was doing hadn’t changed.
She’d only gone into labour and had to have the baby – without my knowledge…
..But the job was still going on in the background.
It was still on track.
My perception of the situation is what changed.
I didn’t know she’d gone into labour. My thoughts created feelings and I allowed them to drag me around for a day.
If I had allowed myself to go back to my default state of a calm mind, I wouldn’t have needed the phone call to tell me anything.
A fresh thought about the situation would have come.
I still wouldn’t have known she’d gone into labour but I also would not have sat with thoughts of negligence all day either.
Because knowing what i know about the nature of thoughts and feelings…
A new perspective would come once I allowed myself to stop pursing a particular story in my mind.
Events and situations are never the stories that you tell yourself in your head.
But the stories in your head are what determine how you feel about them.
You are not your feelings…
When you can see that you are not your feelings,
And when you can see that you are separate from the interplay of your thoughts and feelings…
You’re less likely to try to discover how to control your emotions. Because you’ll begin to see that it has nothing to do with you.
It’s life moving through you.
There’s nothing you need to do but to get out of the way in your head and let it pass.
Does it mean you won’t feel different emotions moment by moment?
What it means is that you can spot what is happening with ease.
You can see the thoughts as they move through you and you understand the corresponding feelings that come with those thoughts.
You’re less likely to have knee-jerk reactions or suffer needlessly.
What happens on the outside has nothing to do with what happens moment by moment in you.
In fact, your feelings are signals that tell you when to ignore certain thoughts that pass through you.
You’ll know the thoughts to ignore because they tend to be the ones that are unreasonably persistent.
They are the ones that take you away from your innate wisdom and sense of peace that is our default nature.
So what’s the hack for how to control your emotions?
The stories that play out moment by moment in your mind about the things that you witness on the outside are what create your feelings.
And these stories can and will correct themselves if you get out of the way and allow them to.
The only time they become a problem is when you dive in and try to change them.
They hang around longer when you do that and they cause more chaos.
The hack for how to control your emotions is this:
When you learn to use your feelings as traffic signals, you’ll see that there is no need to avoid feeling all kinds of feelings.
They play an important role. They act as a filter for the thoughts passing through you moment by moment.
The feelings that take you away from your peaceful default state moment by moment, tell you that the thought passing through is not one you want to pursue
Because the more you pursue it, the worse you’ll feel.
It’s that simple.
We just like to complicate things a lot more.
Your feelings are NEVER the boss of you, they are a useful tool to help to stay in equilibrium.
But only if you allow them to give you direction and you follow through with the signals they send.
You don’t have to control your feelings. They are there to serve you. ALWAYS.
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